The 2011 Grammy Awards

Sunday, February 13, 2011

My favorite award show of the year is here!

My comments, live, below:

11:23pm: Shocker. Barbra messed that one up.  Oops, technical glitch.  The hipsters can party on now and I can go to sleep.  So many audio problems, Eminem must be mad.

11:22pm: I have a feeling Eminem's going home with this one.

11:18pm: Have no idea whether Eminem or Lady Gaga will take the big one.  I'm also not completely ruling Lady Antebellum out.

11:04pm: OMG Lady Antebellum!  I'm so proud!

10:59pm: A couple of things.  One, what was Diddy thinking with the "grill"?  He couldn't even speak ... And two, why does Rihanna get to perform twice?  Three, what is her preoccupation with fire?

10:52pm: Eminem's voice has dropped 2 octaves since the last time I heard him speak, in like 2000.  What are we up to now, 4/7? 4/8?

10:51pm: Eminem will probably take this. I don't even care anymore ... Barbra put me to sleep.

10:46pm: Zzzzz.  I don't know about you, but Barbra Streisand and Arcade Fire are not enough to keep me watching/awake until the end of the show.

10:38pm: The backing bands tonight have killed it.  They've all sounded flawless.

10:37pm: But I see Willow Smith is there. I would've liked to have seen her teach Justin Bieber how to whip his hair (not that he needs lessons).

10:35pm: ... but Johnny Depp's face is skinnier than John "ny Depp" Mayer's.  I have nothing to say about Mick Jagger.

10:33pm: Why did the first few deceased get their own screen and these people have to share with 1+ others?

10:28pm: Which Glee cast member ISN'T recording or releasing an album?

10:23pm: I'm usually better at this.

10:21pm: Wow, so wrong.

10:20pm: I'm torn between Florence and Justin Bieber on Best New Artist ... mayyybe Mumford & Sons.

10:20pm: John Legend is adorable ...

10:15pm: Not the biggest fan of her dress, though. It looks like a pansy flower.

10:14pm: Rihanna looks AMAZING.  And glad to see Adam Levine fading into the background for once.

10:13pm: Trash taken out.  I can now relax and enjoy the rest of the show.  Like my mom, Jordan and Kanye thought John Mayer looked like Johnny Depp.  I guess none of them have minds as ... wayward as mine.

10:05pm: I guessed wrong, but I'm happy I guessed wrong.  Go Lady A!

10:05pm: Or Miranda Lambert, if Gaga's not nominated.

10:04pm: Don't know who's nominated for song of the year, but Gaga's going to take it.

10:03pm: Who's John Mayer dating these days?  He's gained so much weight ... Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joleeeeene.

10:02pm: Boo.  I guess my tweets to Katy Perry about her awesome dance moves were not motivation enough to keep them in her show.

10:00pm: Okay, THIS is the song I've been waiting for ... cue lame dance moves!!!

9:58pm: She REALLY looks like Emily Blunt right now.

9:58pm: Any moment now Katy will be dangling upside down from this swing.  Like Pink at that award show last year (was it the Grammys)?

9:57pm: KatY Perry?

9:53pm: Best Target ad EVER.

9:51pm: Okay, even with Gwyneth on it, that was my favorite performance of the night so far.

9:50pm: Gwyneth should've at least worn something colorful.  What a party pooper.

9:47pm: WHAT IS CEE LO WEARING?  I kind of love it.  And the puppets are amazeballs, as the kids say.

9:46pm: Yay, I love this song!  Don't want to hear Gwyneth on it, though.

9:46pm: I think maybe Hillary's bangs are fake.  She's pulled this trick before.

9:45pm: 3/5.

9:44pm: I'm going with Lady Antebellum with this one.

9:44pm: Yikes, what happened to Miley?!

9:42pm: I think as far as pop radio is concerned, Lady A's only ever going to be known for "Need You Now", and it's partially their fault!  I love this song, but sometimes you need to just quit it.

9:41pm: "American Honey"!  Hillary looks great with them bangs.

9:40pm: Lady Antebellum!!!

9:34pm: I have to give them credit ... those NKOTB fans are HARD. CORE. Much more so than Backstreet Boys fans, I think.  At least in my experience.

9:30pm: I know Dylan's voice isn't all that, but let the man sing!

9:30pm: Those Avetts are some good lookin' brothers.

9:29pm: I still have to take out the trash -- buzzkill.

9:25pm: I am loving the stage setup for the Avett Brothers and Bob Dylan and Mumford & Sons.

9:23pm: Does she have geometric horns coming out of her forehead?

9:22pm: Did Gaga cuss?  The audio just cut out for a moment there.

9:21pm: Er, I coulda called that, if I had remembered she was one of the nominees.

9:20pm: Nice, even Donnie Wahlberg knows about Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber.  Selena looks gorgeous.  And Justin Bieber just winced when his girlfriend mentioned him in a nomination, awwww. I forgot the other nominees.  John Mayer?

9:18pm: It took me 78 minutes to realize it, but Kanye West is tweeting.  From the web.  Meaning: he is not at the Grammys.  Was he banned?

9:17pm: Adele? For the trailer for I Am Number Four?  Seriously?  I just couch-danced.  I'M GOING TO SEE ADELE IN MAY!!!

9:16pm: Or just Jordan Knight.  Who, by the way, is doing his own Twitter party to the Grammys.  Sporadically.

9:14pm: Okay, I got that wrong.  I don't know anything about anyone over the age of 35, unless they are a New Kid :(.

9:14pm: Er, I don't know about this.  Neil Young?

9:12pm: Justin sounds like he's wailing along to Usher's song, but his moves are pretty good.  I especially love the heavy breathing into their mics.

9:10pm: Yes!!!  Finally, a song I like.  Usherrrrrr.  Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ...

9:09pm: How much do you think Will Smith paid to get Jaden up on stage?  And why won't Willow be performing?  I think the audience would've enjoyed that more.

9:08pm: This even, bowl/mushroom 'do suits him better.

9:07pm: He's going to sing "Never Say Never", isn't he?  Oh gawd.

9:07pm: I have to admit ... I don't think I'll ever tire of "Baby".

9:06pm: Is this conversation between Justin Bieber and Usher subliminal marketing for Never Say Never?

9:05pm: World, brace yourself for the Bieber.

9:04pm: I just saw footage of John Mayer on the red carpet.  Is he going for the 70s porn star look on purpose or is this for an acting role I hope won't come to fruition?

9:00pm: I have zero interest in seeing Jaden Smith, really.  KatY Perry might be good, though. I am a big fan of her lame early 90s dance moves.

8:59pm: Check.  Two for two.

8:58pm: Okay, I'm gonna call this one, and I don't know even who the competition is.  Miranda Lambert's gonna win Female Country Vocal.

8:56pm: Yikes, Janelle ... I would've thrown myself into the crowd facing up.  Just so, you know.

8:55pm: Janelle's wearin' em too!

8:53pm: Where can I get Bruno's shoes!? Hawt.

8:52pm: Something about Bruno Mars reminds me of Justin Timberlake ... like, circa 1992.

8:51pm: Janelle Monae's skin is so incredibly flawless ...

8:44pm: I'm only really looking forward to Lady Antebellum :(.  I hope they don't sing "Need You Now" for the 4378th time on an awards show.

8:42pm: Oh how convenient, I can look down for a history of the show so far.  They gave Train an award.  That hardly counts.

8:39pm: Wait, isn't this an awards show?  Have they given any out yet?

8:35pm: During this downtime, I am pondering why they put Gaga so early in the show instead of teasing her the entire way through to keep people watching.  Hmmm.

8:33pm: I know nothing about Miranda Lambert or Blake Shelton, but I knew that cheesy line about his fiancee was coming.  This show needs better writers.

8:25pm: But the lady can sing.

8:23pm: "Express yourself, hey hey hey hey."  She even looks like Madonna with that hair.  Those faux bones popping out of her shoulders are pretty disturbing.

8:21pm: I called it!  In my living room, mostly to myself.  So sick of "Hey Soul Sister" but knew it would win.

8:19pm: Tragic trending topics ... Americans can't spell.  Is and Ys in people's names are not interchangeable.  It's Miley CYrus, KatY Perry, NickI Minaj.  I'll sit down now.

8:12pm: 8 minutes and counting!?  Jordan Knight sees an Egyptian theme in this year's fashion choices.  Sharp eye, maybe.

8:10pm: Okay, this is going on for way too long; I've already lost interest ... let's get on with the show please!

8:04pm: Florence Welch!!!

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