Live blog: 2011 VMAs

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Photo: MTV.com
I should've done this the other way around, instead of in anti-chronological order. You live and learn.

Here is my anti-chronological live-blog of the 2011 MTV Video Music Awards.

If you want the Spark Notes version, here it is:

11:27
What kind of ending was that? Disappointing. At 11:27 too? Weird.

11:28
Marky Mark's on TNT right now! This is better.

And I love Adele, feel bad for Jessie J, am freaked out by Manly Gaga's oogly eyes and have dubbed the 2011 VMAs as "The Comeback Show."

11:28
Marky Mark's on TNT right now! This is better.

11:27
What kind of ending was that? Disappointing. At 11:27 too? Weird.

11:25
I think I spoke too soon.

11:24
This song's kinda sweet, even if it's 80% auto-tune.

11:22
Is this show almost over? A working gal's gotta sleep.

11:22
I was JUST wondering, "Where's Drake?" Or should I call him Wheelchair Jimmy?

11:20
Throw Adele a bone, will ya MTV? I still don't understand Katy's outfit. For this, I am very, very sad.

11:20
Now what category is this? I think it's a toss-up between Katy and Adele.

11:19
It's very hard to believe Katie Holmes is only 32.

11:19
Jennifer Lawrence is gorgeous.

11:16
Setting my iPhone alarm for tomorrow morning. Danny Wood is going to wake me up:
Danny: Yo, Jordan! What's up?
Jordan: Hey Danny! What's happening?
Oh, here comes little Joey Joe down the street
Joe: Ho! What's happenin' fellas?
Jordan: Yo, there's Jon, but has anyone seen Donnie?
Danny: I don't know, but I thought I saw him walking towards the corner store.
Joe: Nah, he's at the park playing ball
I'm not even joking.

11:14
Is "I Just Want My Pants Back" just a less seedy-looking version of "Undressed"?

11:14
Adele is such an emotional person ... trying not to cry at Bruno Mars' tribute to Amy Winehouse.

11:12
I wonder if people at my hotel are getting annoyed at me watching the VMAs kind of loudly and cracking up every few minutes. The walls here are pretty thin.

11:11
I have an irrational dislike of Victoria Justice. I don't think I've ever even seen her do anything before. But I think I saw her in the lobby of my office building ...

11:09
Here comes Justin Timberlake circa 1992 ...

11:08
This montage of Amy Winehouse is adorable. She looks great in these videos.

11:06
Man, Tony Bennett's gotta be like, "What am I doing here?"

11:06
Russell Brand's a nut but he sure as hell beats Britney in teleprompter reading.

10:56
Gaga's accent totally changed during this show. Ray Romano? Ralph Macchio?

10:55
Adele always looks so sweet. I still can't figure out what Katy's outfit is.

10:55
Actually, yeah, they HAD to give it to Gaga. Seeing as she came as a man and all.

10:54
Damn, another tough category. I'm going with Katy Perry.

10:54
I haven't watched "Jersey Shore" since those 2 episodes I watched earlier this year, but I totally just figured out what "DTF" stands for.

10:47
Ohhh. Jessie J's been singing OTHER people's songs. I thought I heard a clip of another song earlier. So she IS the house cover band.

10:46
This performance is giving me a migraine.

10:45
"This show is like chop suey." I couldn't think up these quotes myself. You can thank my father.

10:44
"One microphone isn't enough; he needs two."

10:43
These camera people are terrible. Awful awful. The lead singer of this band looks like Johnny Tsunami.

10:42
Jared Leto looks great for his age. Not that I can see a third of his face.

10:42
And she just ran off the stage haha.

10:41
Haha, Selena just sidestepped awkwardly out of the way.

10:41
Who? Best New Artist is right.

10:40
I think either Wiz Khalifa or Foster the People is gonna win.

10:39
THEY USED TO DATE. Selena Gomez and Taylor Lautner. Right?

10:34
Heehee. Rub that belly, B!

10:33
I'm gonna need the MTV camerapeople to pan back around to Katy Perry so I can figure out what her outfit was supposed to be.

10:32
Gaga's ability to stay in character never ceases to astound me.

10:32
Oh yeah, congrats to Beyonce on her first pregnancy.

10:30
I'm glad to see that most of the artists who were on the VMAs when I was a teen are still around.

10:29
I love these outfits Beyonce and her crew have on!

10:28
Britney ... your teleprompter reading skills are terrible.

10:28
I don't want to see Britney and Gaga kiss. I'm glad Britney stopped that. Probably because she's afraid of Gaga.

10:27
I've just realized that Manly Gaga looks like a cross between Prince and Ray Romano.

10:26
Damn, that Sparkly Britney girl looked SO MUCH like her from when Britney performed it the first time.

10:25
Okay, this is something Teenage Maxine can appreciate. Little known fact: I can do the dances to "Baby One More Time," "Drive Me Crazy" and "Oops! I Did It Again."

10:25
I think Britney's crying ... wow.

10:24
Hahaha. Britney didn't know how to take that compliment. She's like, "I think I'm supposed to smile."

10:23
Oh it's Manly Gaga again. Will the real Gaga please stand up already? This one freaks me out a little with her oogly eyes.

10:17
Awww. Justin Bieber just fist-pumped and said "He's my boy" about Chris Brown.

10:16
HAHAHAHA. Did y'all just see Jay-Z resting up? He looked like he was WORN OUT from Chris' performance.

10:15
I love "Beautiful People." This is a good song.

10:15
How much did they invest in this show? Trampolines can't be cheap.

10:14
Why is EVERYONE on this show 3 years younger than I am?

10:14
Chris Brown seems extra spastic tonight.

10:13
Chris Brown? This is like VMAs: The Comeback Show.

10:12
Is that Victoria Justice? That dress is SO SHORT.

10:12
Those glasses ... oh no.

10:11
Justin baby, wow ... you look ridiculous.

10:11
I don't know what category this is, but it's hard. Rihanna and Eminem?

10:10
I am already bored. And Kim Kardashian can't even walk!

10:03
I don't think the camera people know what's going on.

10:02
Jordan Knight just called Adele a fat Tiffany. I am not amused.

9:58
I LOVE ADELE. That is all. Everyone who can afford to see her should.

9:52
I'm going to have to take Jordan Knight off of tweet-to-text. He's blowing up my phone. (Yes, I just admitted that.)

9:51
I feel really bad for Jessie J. Even though 20 minutes ago I couldn't remember her name.

9:48
The last time I watched this show, the female dancers were much older than I was. Now I think they're probably mostly younger than I am.

9:46
Why is Paul Rudd here? That's odd. He'll always be Josh to me.

9:45
I used to really dislike Katy, but she's so incredibly likeable.

9:45
Demiiii! I love her. I think Katy and Kanye got this.

9:44
Every time I see Julianne Hough wearing booty shorts, I think, "she's Mormon. She's not supposed to dress like that."

9:37
YES, I was right. Hip-hop totally isn't my strong suit.

9:36
Hip-hop. My strong suit. My guess is with Nicki Minaj.

9:35
Wow, this is really not funny. I kind of wish Kanye would steal their spotlight.

9:34
Ugh. What is Rebecca Black doing here?

9:32
JESSIE J. Geez. I kept thinking Katy J, Katy B ...

9:28
I'm verifiably old ... I can't remember this girl's name. The British rapper singer girl ... Katy something? Well anyway, is she like the house band or something? Why do they keep splashing things over her performance?

9:28
Was so distracted by Jordan Knight's tweets that I forgot to predict who would win the rock category.

9:26
I didn't want to bring it up, but since Jordan Knight has ... "can anyone translate? Biebers confused again "

9:25
Kanye's denim-on-denim ... a fashion no-no? His shirt is dip-dyed ...

9:23
They let Kanye back!?!?!

9:21
So it makes perfect sense that I can't focus on the show.

9:18
MTV has gotten too ADD for me, yikes.

9:15
Ugh. No.

9:14
Pop video ... SO TOUGH. I'm going with either Adele or Bruno Mars.

9:13
Why can't they just do away with these not-funny lead-ins to giving the awards away? They're so poorly written and even more poorly delivered.

9:12
Like this non-host host ... I have no idea who he is.

9:10
I'd be surprised if I recognized more than 70% of the people here. Actually, that doesn't say anything lol.

9:08
Adele! My heart. She looked concerned.

9:06
Gaga's gained a lot of weight since I saw her last summer. She looks much better with some meat on her bones.

9:03
Britney Spears looked so appalled. Or something. And old. Maybe she feels the way I do.

9:01
I already feel old. I used to watch this show every year. And then I'd talk about it the next day at school.

9:00
I'm naming this ... Manly Gaga.

9:00
I love Selena Gomez.

8:59
Apparently I've already missed all the fun in the pre-show. I used to live for this. Now I'm probably too old for it.

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