Needing inspiration

Monday, August 13, 2012

This week has had its ups and downs. I've been back from Australia for about a month (5 weeks?) now, and I still have about 2 weeks to go before I leave for New York City. It's about time I got tired of wandering around the neighborhood and general aimlessness, methinks! Now I finally understand why people who are retired just can't sit around all day with nothing to do, although I've had month-long spurts when I've definitely enjoyed that sort of idleness.

Mostly I'm afraid of what awaits me in New York City ... more of the same dreary lifestyle that I led before I came here? Or will I feel renewed? Honestly, I don't feel very renewed right now ... the anxiety I've been expecting has arrived ahead of schedule and I'm already beginning to feel bogged down with ambivalence about going home, and fear. I'm hoping I can talk myself out of it before I go home, because going home just to do more nothing is not really what I have in mind.

So I've been making lists, a lot of lists. Of things I want to do when I get home, things I have to do, things I want to do with this blog ... I've been saving inspirational photographs and messages from Tumblr and other places, and generally trying to keep myself going (or get myself going).

The above photograph is from a set of "vintage" images I bought from IKEA (hence the cute little Swedish flag that came with my Swedish meatballs lunch). I saw this typewriter and I felt that it would be a nice way to remind myself to write more often, to let my creative juices flow. I haven't been writing at all, other than in this blog. I have three ideas for future "Great American Novels" (that's what I call them, rather than Works in Progress or Books or whatever other writers call their projects) and hopefully I'll feel inspired to start working on at least one of them soon.

So that's where I'm at right now. Ambivalence, and lots of it. But I saw this coming, so the bright side is that I really do know myself pretty well. That's a bright side, right?

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